Happy 20th

 WOW! 20 years. I am amazed how clear those days are right now. I could go into those difficult weeks in the hospital but I rather focus on that 15th day. OK that day was a bit hairy too. Day 16, waking up with both my babies in the same crib. I was so excited to get up to fed you that I didn't sleep at all. I loved watching you sleep with your little bird noses and your bird lips and dainty fingers. Your hands always found each other and when you woke up your eyes would search until you'd see each other. Far away from that hospital you found peace and health. I would never believe I would need to take frail unhealthy babies home to get better. Each day your faces grew rounded, your bellies grew bigger and your color became pinker. There was no more danger, no more gowns needed to hold you, no more counting wet diapers and cc's.  We were free to hug, kiss, eat and umm you. Most of all we were free to watch you talk and coo and be together. Within weeks it was easy to know why things were so dangerous in the womb. While you slept Kathleen would scooch into Kristina and Kristina would shift away. Kathleen would slide back toward Kristina and Kristina would again move, there was no rest. Once you were in separate cribs every morning was like Christmas. Your eyes grew big as they met each other while your fingers fumbled to touch. You never tire of seeing each other in the morning, nor do you never fail to bring a smile to my face each day. I have also told you I never missed the age you were because I enjoy the age you are now so much more. That has held true for 20 years now. Each stage, each moment has been a blessing to me and I wanted to be ready to experience it and not be stuck on what was. If I have one piece of advice for you it would be that. Always look forward. God has plans for you but you have to look ahead to see them. So many times we are looking in the past we don't realize how He is blessing us right now. We can't change our mistakes, so we give them God, ask for forgiveness and learn from them while we move forward. We can't stop and live in the limelight of our accomplishments. We have to put forth effort everyday and give Him maximum glory. During times of devastation, seek God and give Him the glory. As long as your focus is on God you will continue to get through one day at a time. Lean on those who have godly advice. You will know. God does not measure failure by your standards. He loves you more than you love yourself. Your life is testimony to how gracious our Father is. You were conceived by sin, to a 17 year old kid who was so scared she considered an abortion. Because of one obedient act on that 17 year old's part he has blessed everything we touch. Twenty years later you are smart, talented, going to college, with a loving family and a wonderful home. Even when things do not work out as you plan or as you need, remember God will get you through it. Be patient and keep reading His word so you will know it when you need it. Keep moving forward.

I have to admit looking at your baby pictures I do miss the smell of every part of your body. Even more I miss the feel of the skin under your neck while I kissed you  And if possible most of all I miss those tiny lips and hands as you held my face to your kisses. What great times we all had together. I am excited to see what God has ahead for us.  Thank you for filling my life with your love.

Love Always,
Mamma